I can’t believe it’s about to be November. Did 2023 even let us breathe?

This is the time of year in my 9-5 when my students get antsy, overwhelmed, and mentally tired. Meetings are building up, roommate conflicts are brewing, and lunch never semes to be an entire hour. (Reminder, please eat your lunch).

*Great time to pause and let you all know that in my 9-5 I lead residential operations and help mitigate student conflict within a college.

I find myself having conversations that remind me of myself when I was their age. It’s fascinating how the circle of life repeats itself, bringing us face-to-face with situations and emotions that we once experienced.

Every now and then, a certain meeting happens that takes me by surprise. It catches me off guard and shakes me out of my comfort zone. It challenges my assumptions in the best way.

During a recent meeting, I had an unexpected encounter with one of my students. They revisited the guidance I had given earlier in the year and asked for practical advice on how to implement it. Their question was straightforward: “What does ‘doing the work’ actually look like?” My response was deliberate and down-to-earth, avoiding excessive theory.

Together, we compiled a list of steps, encompassing routines, tasks, and affirmations, among other things. As they left my office, they turned back and expressed gratitude for the actionable guidance.

This experience taught me several valuable lessons:

1. You never know who is paying attention to your words, so be intentional and stand by your beliefs.
2. Practicality often helps in understanding emotions and feelings. For instance, maintaining a morning routine can help you identify your emotions at each step and align them with your tasks.
3. Knowing the “how” of something connects the dots to the “why.”
4. Building trust takes time.

This conversation took unexpected turns, delving into topics and emotions I had forgotten. It felt like a mirror reflecting my own past, evoking memories and emotions that had remained dormant.

I find myself in a position where I can be the support I needed during my upbringing. This isn’t a criticism of my adoptive parents but an observation. Emotionally, I needed practical guidance to navigate certain situations.

I’ve noticed that as we accumulate life experiences, we often think we’ve outgrown the struggles and uncertainties of our youth. However, in these conversations that echo our own past, we’re reminded that growth and self-discovery are continuous journeys.

So, my question to fellow Black adoptees is this: Did your adoptive parents or community provide the support you needed? If not, what does that support look like for you now?

It’s astonishing how moments like these catch us off guard. If you can relate, please share your thoughts in the comments.

From a coffee shop with love,

Teisha