Reconnecting with your birth parents as an adult is a rollercoaster of emotions. Unsure of how to navigate it? Take a breath and remember: you only need to tackle this journey one step at a time. Don’t feel the need to replace lost time; as my birth father wisely said, “we can only catch on, not catch up.”

So, where to start after making the connection and a phone call? Don’t let time pass again. It took me five times to be able to have a conversation with my birth father at length and I am still reconnecting with my birth mother. If you’re looking to build a stronger bond with your birth parents, I have listed 5 activities that I have found helpful to ease the awkwardness:

1. Virtual Cooking Class: Connect on Zoom or your preferred video connection with a virtual chef (even someone on YouTube) to lessen nervousness.
2. Candle-Making Class: Create candles with energizing scents to ease into tough topics and create lasting memories. There are tons of candle shops in your local cities. Simply type it in maps within a central location for you all to meet.
3. Museum Meetup with Lunch: Museums provide a silent space for learning quirky traits about each other. It also brings together your interests in both childhood and adulthood.
4. Coffee or Tea Shop Meetup: Choose a public place with limited distractions and prepare conversation topics beforehand. I find anything can be talked about with a cup of coffee or tea.
5. Bi-Weekly Check-Ins: Schedule short calls every two weeks for small Q&A sessions and life updates. Flow comes with time, so if it feels forced, that’s okay. Name that without feeling bad.
6. Bonus: Create a Shared Playlist: Music can be a powerful connection. Create a Spotify playlist together, adding songs weekly. My birth mom currently can’t communicate as clearly due to health reasons. therefore, music is the connection. Sometimes the best communication is through songs. If you don’t want to create a playlist, start with texting songs.

Reconnection takes time. You are not learning about your birth parents in a developmental stage as a child, you are learning about them as an adult, as a peer. That will look different. While the younger version of you wants many questions answered, you as an adult may be apprehensive. Be gentle with that navigation.

If these activities resonate with you and you’d like me to add more to the list, drop your suggestions in the comments below!

From a coffee shop with love,

Teisha