Three years ago, the notion of exchanging motivational quotes with my birth father would have prompted a chuckle and a swift change of subject.

What changed?

Time

Three years. It went fast.

If you’ve just stumbled upon my blog, welcome! This post holds a special significance as it marks three years since the inception of Adopted Black Girl—a journey that began as both a blog and a podcast.

Although the podcast took a hiatus, the blog persisted in the main warehouse of my creative endeavors.

This journey sprang from a void—filled with a lack of information, hurt, anger, and abandonment. Yet, it endured and transformed due to the pillars of community, friendship, understanding, and care.

Beautiful things can emerge from places of darkness. Although, it doesn’t always seem that way at the time.

If you’re currently searching for your “why” in this world as an adoptee, allow me to share the top five actions I took that helped me fill my void as a kinship adoptee.

Despite perceptions that I had found my purpose by playing a role well, pretending could only carry me so far before I decided to take meaningful action.

Here are the steps I took to understand and fill my void:

• Acknowledged my pain: I wrote about my pain, explored why I felt abandoned, and then sought guidance by perusing my company’s therapist directory. Strength doesn’t require suppressing emotions.

• Shared my story: In the vast landscape of adoption opinions, I trusted my experience. So share your story without judgment, and embrace your unique perspective. It’s already within you.

• Scheduled meetings with my adoptive parent: For kinship adoptees, connecting truths to daily memories is crucial. Happy hour meetings with my adoptive parent (cousin) provided insights into my biological mother, fostering understanding and grace. To get to know what relationship they had helped me feel more connected as well.

• Followed other Black adoptees on social media: Despite kinship care being less discussed, the adoptee space harbors advocates, mental health practitioners, authors, and thought leaders. A follow can blossom into a friendship. Do not be scared to send that DM, respectfully of course.

• Let go of anger: Unbeknownst to me, anger over not having my biological parents in the same household lingered until I had to defend them. Identify what you need to release—whether an emotion or an object—and embrace the process. Releasing my anger over two years gradually diminished my void.

In these three years, my understanding of adoption, especially kinship care, has surpassed my upbringing. It’s a part of me, and if you’re wondering whether you can fill your void healthily, know that it’s possible, and a supportive community awaits.

Sometimes, unraveling life’s complexities takes time, and that’s perfectly okay.

Here’s to many more years with y’all and I’m so grateful for this community.

See y’all in the next blog post and be sure to check out some of my recommendations for this month below:

1. Vision Party with Heritage and Healing on February 11th. Register here.

2. Book read of the month “We’ll All Be Free” by Caroline J. Sumlin. Purchase here.

3. Current playlist that is soothing my soul. Listen here.

Signed,

Teish