Sometimes, I get frustrated when I don’t know how to listen to myself. It feels confusing at first, but then I take a step back and realize—of course, I struggle with this. It’s a new skill, and like anything else, it takes time to learn.

This blog is for my fellow adoptees, especially those in their late 20s or early 30s, who, like me, grew up feeling unheard. If you’re just now learning to listen to yourself, know that it can rollercoaster. I am happy you got on the ride!

For so long, I heard my adoptive mom’s voice in my head, guiding my every decision. I’d constantly second-guess myself, going back and forth like, “Should I do this? Or that?” It was exhausting. Outside of my career, I couldn’t make decisions without feeling confident someone else had already approved them.

We often talk about how important it is to listen to children, but rarely do we discuss how difficult it is to truly listen to ourselves. As adults, many of us—especially adoptees—end up listening to everyone else but ourselves. So, when I decided to change that, I started with a few questions:

• Do I trust myself?
• Am I saying what I really mean?
• How do I feel when I make certain decisions?
• What am I really trying to accomplish?

Sometimes, the pause before action gives us the clarity we need. I used to rush through decisions, eager to get to the next thing without giving myself space to breathe, think, and reflect. I showed grace and patience to everyone else, but none to myself. You might be laughing now like “yeah girl I get it- me too”, but trust me—learning to listen to myself has been one of the toughest challenges I’ve faced. But here’s the thing: I refuse to give advice I don’t practice.

Yes, it feels like I’m late to the game when it comes to finding my voice. Maybe you feel the same. But learning to listen to yourself is powerful. It opens doors to experiences and decisions that are truly for you, not for anyone else.

Since learning to trust and listen to my own voice, I’ve made some significant life changes. I’ve switched careers and found elevation in my work. I moved out of the country and back again in an uncomfortable but necessary pivot. I’ve asked for help with my depression and anxiety. I’ve reconnected socially after pulling away. None of this came easy, but it all started by tuning into my own inner voice.

Here’s your sign to start doing the same. You don’t have to be perfect at it—none of us are. But give yourself the space to listen, and you might be surprised at what you hear.

Practical Steps to Start Listening to Yourself:

1. Pause Before You Act: Take a moment before making decisions, big or small. Give yourself time to think and feel before moving forward.
2. Ask Reflective Questions: When you’re unsure, ask yourself questions like, “Do I really want this?” or “How does this make me feel?” It’s about engaging in an honest conversation with yourself.
3. Trust Your Gut: Learning to trust your instincts is crucial. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t force it.
4. Practice Self-Grace: Be patient with yourself. Listening to your own voice takes time, especially if you’re not used to it.
5. Find Support: Whether it’s through therapy, podcasts, or close friends, surround yourself with people and resources that encourage self-reflection.

Podcasts That Have Helped Me:

• CultureCon Uncut
• Balanced Black Girl

Remember, finding your voice is a journey, not a destination. Start small, be patient, and trust that you’re on the right path.

From my room with love,

Teisha