When my mom told me I couldn’t come back and stay with her in her home whenever I visited, I was annoyed.
Like, I’ve been hurt before, but this? I was annoyed.

I mean, I get it. After moving back home, having disagreements, and getting fired in 2023, I understand why she might want her space. But to never be able to stay there again when I come back to my home city?
It felt harsh.

And then I started thinking.
I realized… I’m usually the one who always goes home.
And even when I do, it never really feels like I’m welcome to stay longer than two or three days.

My sisters are both starting their own families—one has kids, the other just got married.
And then there’s me.
I don’t really have a family hub. And being in my late 20s, early 30s, I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that maybe home… is just wherever I am.

But honestly?
It sucks knowing that the family dinners, the plans, the events — they happen without you unless you travel back for them.
And even then, it’s different.
Sure, I could book a hotel when I visit.
But it would make a difference if I could just stay at my mom’s house.
It’s just me — is it just me? hm – or do I just feel like that sometimes.
So… what do you do?

After living in three different cities, I’ve come to understand:
Home isn’t a physical place.
A house is.
The foster care experience — house.
The adoptive parent experience — house.
The kinship care experience — house.
The people and experiences inside? That’s what makes it a home.
And if you didn’t have a great experience, then it’s just walls. Just a building.
So the real question is:
What does home look like within you and around you?

Here’s what I think:

First — home starts with how you view yourself.
It starts with identifying your needs.
Do you have a safe space to sleep, think, and eat?
Can you access food, basic items, healthcare?
Basic needs matter.
You can’t love yourself enough to trick yourself into thinking you don’t need basic needs met.
You do. Period.

Second — community and neighborhood.
Growing up, you didn’t have a choice about where you lived.
But now? Now you do.
There’s something about your hometown that always stays with you — but you also get to recreate the feelings you wanted growing up.
When I moved to Boston, I ran from stillness until I had no choice but to be still.
And it was only in that stillness that I figured out what I needed.
I was depressed for over a year — until one day, I sought community.
And honestly?
It wasn’t so bad.
But because my needs weren’t being met, I couldn’t see it at first.

Look, it’s not easy to realize you have to build your own home inside yourself.
But let’s reframe it:
You have the power to make your own home.
And nobody — nobody — gets to take that from you.

So what’s the way forward?
Face reality.
And create the best perception moving forward.

No sugarcoating —
We have to recreate what we want “home” to feel like.

In a world of choices, choose you.
Choose the simple things that make you feel grounded.
Choose to go home on your own terms.
Choose to let people come to you sometimes.
Choose to build a life that feels like home.

and let me remind you – you are able to make the choice. that inner voice saying “what if I choose wrong” – either choice you make will be the right one for you.

Home isn’t a place- it’s wherever you are.

Now, onto to pouring some love into you before I leave ya:
(And yes, I am telling you to speak life into yourself — because if not you, who else will?)

1. The seed can still grow even if one of the plants died.
2. If not now, when?
3. If not you, who?
4. Remember to do your grocery list.
5. Make that doctor’s appointment.

From my writing corner with love – I will see you in the week ahead.

-Teisha