Nothing changes if you are in a body you reject.” – Devi Brown

Oh my God.

I hold so much trauma in my body. Jesus.

I need to stretch.

Like actually stretch—not just physically, but emotionally. I need to remind my trainer to build in a stretch routine at our next session, because something’s sitting inside me that doesn’t want to stay quiet anymore.

What is this feeling? Is it anger? Sword anger? That sharp, hot, cutting kind?

I feel it. I work out a lot—five to seven days a week—and I always wonder why. Not in a self-judgy way, but in that curious, searching way.

Today, while I was listening to an episode of She’s So Lucky (formerly Balanced Black Girl—shoutout to Les), something landed hard. Les was interviewing Devi Brown, and Devi said something that cracked open my chest.

She talked about how she began with stretching—not yoga—because she noticed things shifting in her body and energy. And then she said:

“Nothing changes if you are in a body you reject.”

I paused the episode right there.

Because… whew. Have I been rejecting my body?

It didn’t seem like it at first glance. I mean, I go to the gym almost every day. I move. I lift. I sweat. I put in the work. But now I wonder if all of that is me trying to control my body more than connect with it.

Is that where all this pent-up energy comes from?

I’ve just turned 31, and something in this year feels freer. Like I’m finally giving myself permission to explore my relationship with my body—not just how it performs or looks, but how it feels.

I wish I had someone to talk to about this. Someone who wouldn’t necessarily have the answers, but who would just get it.

Maybe you’re reading this and you do.

Until then, here’s what I’m doing:

I’m committing to stretching for 20 minutes every day. Not as punishment. Not as prep for a workout. But as a way to lean into the feelings my body’s been holding for decades. As a way to listen.

31 might be a peak year. I don’t know.

But I do know I’m grateful. I’m softening. And I’m starting to finally come home to myself.

From my desk with love,

Teish