I was in the And More community by Mattie James, and either she or a member of the Overflow said something that stopped me in my tracks:

“Indecisiveness is a waste of time. A decision must be made.

Whew. That hit me.

Because honestly, why am I delaying? Am I scared? Yikes. For someone who has excelled in her career and academic life—at least to my standards—why is it that when it comes to decisions about my heart, I hesitate?

After sitting with this, I realized I couldn’t be the only one. So I wanted to bring this thought process here. Believe it or not, research has shown that adoptees sometimes experience unique challenges with decision-making. Not across every area of life—but especially when it comes to things like:

• Information-seeking and identity
• Ethical dilemmas
• Identity processing styles

And whew… that tracks for me. I’ve noticed I struggle most when it comes to making decisions about permanent things: family, relationships, and other deeply personal areas.

As I’m learning to expand my “heart posture,” here are a few ways I’m challenging myself in this area:

1. Getting Honest About Love and Follow-Through

That small, sneaky voice from the past that says, “People don’t really love you, they won’t follow through”—I’m learning not to listen to it.

When I need to make a relational decision, I check in with my body: How does this feel? Is this healthy for me? The answer isn’t always clear. Sometimes I have to ask myself, Do I feel uncomfortable because this is new—or unsafe because this is wrong? That shift helps me move forward with clarity instead of fear.

2. Working Within Gentle Time Limits

I don’t give myself unlimited time to process anymore, because unlimited time often turns into delaying. Instead, I set realistic, healthy limits.

For example: the other weekend, I was debating whether to go to an outing or just stay in bed. My first thought? It would be nice to rest. But then I remembered—I spend plenty of time resting or creating content at home. So I said: “1…2…3… you’re going.”

And guess what? I went. It sounds small, but it was a powerful reminder that action often feels better than hesitation.

3. Accepting That I Don’t Need Every Detail

This one is big. I don’t need every single detail to make a decision.

If I want to date, then I’m going to date. If I want to say yes to an opportunity, I don’t need to ask a million questions (unless it’s a contract—girl, always read those).

But truly—every moment I spend overanalyzing is often just time I’m delaying my own experience.

Here’s the truth: delaying can feel like protection for adoptees. But delaying can also become a barrier.

I’m determined to get better at making decisions without assuming disappointment is waiting on the other side.

Are you with me?

from my writing corner with love,

Teish

Sources referenced when writing this piece:

Helping Adults Who Were Adopted as Children

Adoption in the Era of Secrecy: Practical and Ethical Challenges Facing Adult Adoptees in the Search for Birth Families