We are, but first – we need to get out of our own way?

Every day, we see adoptees courageously sharing their stories online — stories meant to educate, heal, and connect. Yet, too often, these posts turn into comment-section battles. Instead of fostering understanding, they drive wedges within our own community. Advocates who once spoke boldly about their experiences begin to retreat, pushed into silence by the very people who should stand beside them.

So what is it about our stories that trigger such strong reactions from others who share the same background? Why do we feel the need to fight or attack one another when we’ve all endured the same systems — American adoption and foster care — that have already caused us so much pain?

This month, Adoptee Awareness Month, reminds us to pause and reflect. Originally designed to promote adoption and foster care agencies, this month has evolved — it’s now our time to center adoptee voices. But to truly do that, we must stop attacking one another. We are standing in our own way, and in doing so, we’re hurting each other.

We hurt each other when we don’t take one another seriously.
We hurt each other when we tear someone down to stand in the spotlight.
We hurt each other when we refuse to listen.
We hurt each other when we don’t believe in one another.
We hurt each other when we judge how someone processes their emotions.
We hurt each other when we build walls instead of dialogue.

This isn’t all of us — but even if it’s some, it’s still a problem.

For Black adoptees especially, the pain of rejection runs deep. Some of us weren’t accepted in our foster homes. Some weren’t accepted in our adoptive homes. Both left scars. We do not deserve to experience that same rejection within our own community.

It’s time to shift the tide. “Adoptee” isn’t a label we can shed — it’s a part of who we are. Whether someone chooses to speak publicly about their experience or not, they deserve support. We won’t always agree, and that’s okay — but disagreement should never lead to dismissal, rejection, or oppression.

Maybe we’ve been in our own way for too long. But I believe we’re entering an Adoptee Renaissance — a time of reflection, rebuilding, and renewal. The conversations that once divided us can now be used to reconnect us, if we’re willing to listen and evolve.

We are one community with many experiences. Each story, each journey, is a vital piece of our collective identity. By embracing our differences — and allowing space for healing — we can cultivate a more inclusive and compassionate environment.

Together, we have the strength to move forward. Together, we can support one another through the challenges and triumphs. Together, we can build a brighter, unified future.

Because the adoptee renaissance is here.

from a corner seat in a busy cafe,

Teish

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