I’ve learned this about myself recently:

I’m either all in, or I’m not in at all.

And sometimes, that trait keeps me from growing.

I grew up without my dad, but I had my grandfather — a chess player, a quiet man, a man of logic. His love language wasn’t words, it was silence and strategy.

“Teisha, just be quiet.”

So I learned silence.

I learned to swallow feelings.

I learned that emotions weren’t needed for connection — logic was.

And that followed me straight into adulthood.

Loud in Life, Quiet in Love

In friendships? I talk.

In work meetings? I talk.

In community? I talk.

But in romantic relationships?

I shrink.

Not because of who I dated — but because of what I believed:

“If it’s not logical, you shouldn’t speak on it.”

But emotions aren’t logical.

They never have been.

So imagine loving someone for four years and being unable to move forward or let go — not because the love wasn’t real, but because I never expressed it.

Silence kept me stuck.

The Danger of “All or Nothing” Living

Being “all in or all out” sounds cute until you realize it leaves no space for nuance processing, emotional learning, small steps or breath.

It keeps you frozen.

When you live in extremes, you end up stuck in the middle — not fully committed to leaving, not fully committed to staying, not fully committed to yourself.

It isn’t about other people.

It’s about your patterns, your beliefs, your habits.

Here are the questions I’m asking myself:

What habits keep me from speaking up?

Why do I pull back emotionally in relationships?

What shifts my dynamic so easily?

How can I love deeply one day, and overthink everything the next?

Why does my heart still follow old rules that no longer serve me?

I’m finally getting to the root — not ripping it out aggressively, but sitting with it.

Healing isn’t rushing. Healing is understanding.

I’m learning to slow down and study the why.

I’ve only truly loved one person in my life — the kind of love where, if they asked, I’d show up without question.

And honestly?

That terrifies me.

Because the only person I should show up for like that… is me.

So that’s where my work is right now.

Tonight, as I’m writing, I’ve been thinking about my heart — what leads it, what confuses it, what scares it, what wakes it up.

Sometimes logic says, “Move on.”

But emotions whisper, “Wait.”

Sometimes emotions say, “Go.”

But logic holds you still.

So I want to ask you:

What do you do when life stops making sense?

When your logic and your emotions pull you in two different directions?

Tell me in the comments — I really want to hear.

Until the next post,

I hope your week holds something soft for you. 

From my writing corner,

Teish