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February always brings about a sense of reflection for me – it’s my birthday month, marking another year of growth, questions, and curiosity. This year, as I transition into a new decade, that introspection feels particularly poignant.

Approaching the big 3-0, I realized I no longer want to speculate about my family dynamics; I want clarity.

Over the past three years, I’ve begun asking the tough questions and slowly unraveling the complexities of my upbringing. Now, I’m eager to delve deeper into the patterns that shape my life.

I decided to start with the person who knows me well – my oldest sister. She’s witnessed it all, lived through it all, and almost lost it all.

So when she suggested we grab dinner at Chili’s, I readily agreed.

But meaningful conversations require preparation. While my sister and I shared a strong bond growing up, I’ll admit that as the younger sibling, I distanced myself over time.

Before diving into any discussions, I knew I needed to extend an apology. Acknowledging my flaws and showing vulnerability to my older sister was essential.

By the time our margaritas arrived, we were knee-deep in conversation, exploring various topics for over two hours. Here’s what I gleaned from that evening:

1. Genuine apologies create space for healing and understanding.
2. Reconnecting with someone and forging a new relationship is possible when both parties are willing to put in the effort.
3. As my favorite lifestyle expert, Mattie James, often says, “it doesn’t have to be deep, just needs to be deliberate”.
4. Sisterhood is a precious gift, and coming together should feel comforting and inclusive.

Later that night, I visited my birth mother, and as she heard my name, a smile graced her lips.

Though I may never know her in her healthiest state, I’m grateful for the opportunity to glimpse a piece of who she was. Through the lens of my older sister’s insights, I now see a woman with dreams, ambitions, and struggles—a woman who tried her best.

For those grappling with understanding their birth parents, I urge you to start with a trusted sibling, cousin, or family friend. But only if you WANT to, it will not be successful by force. Nor will you feel good. You get what I mean?

Throughout my twenties, I shied away from exploring my roots, but as I approach my thirties, I’m realizing the importance of gaining perspective.

And yes, amidst these profound revelations, I still find myself craving that unforgettable pasta from Chili’s.

Until next time y’all, all love.

-Teish