Adopted Black Girl

I love you too much to not write this reminder.

I’m not going to let you become your own biggest regret. You don’t deserve to carry yourself like a burden or treat yourself like the enemy.

You’re meant to be your own hero. And getting there requires some honest rewiring. I’m going to give you three steps to start the process.

First—

You are not responsible for decisions that were made for you as a child.

Release that weight. It was never yours to carry.

You also cannot save everyone. That instinct may come from love, survival, or both—but holding onto it will drain you. Let it go.

Being adopted is part of your story. It shapes how you see yourself, your identity, your sense of belonging. There will be moments where you have to pause, reflect, and relearn who you are. That’s not a weakness love.

While you’re doing that work, old feelings will surface. Neglect. Doubt. The “I should have done more” thoughts. You may not want them, but they will show up. And when they do, don’t spiral. You’ve practiced that long enough.

Now you will practice grounding. You will practice clarity. You will practice choosing yourself.

Second—

You are whole. Right now. Not later. Not when everything is fixed. Now.

You’ve spent so much time in survival mode, in fixing, in grieving, that joy can feel unfamiliar. That doesn’t mean it’s not yours. It just means you have to relearn it.

I know people failed you. Systems failed you. There were gaps, biases, missed care, missed opportunities. That truth matters. But the question now is: what do you do with your life moving forward?

Third—

Making a mistake does not give you permission to quit on yourself.

You don’t get to give up. Not after everything you’ve made it through.

There is still a life for you to build—intentionally, creatively, fully. And you deserve to feel excited about that.

You might feel survivor’s remorse sometimes—like you made it out while others didn’t. Feel it, acknowledge it, but don’t live there. Staying stuck in guilt doesn’t serve you or anyone else.

If anything, let it push you toward purpose. Toward community. Toward giving back in ways that don’t cost you your own growth.

Staying stuck helps no one. Especially not you.

I want more for you than just survival. I want you to experience your life fully.

Choose yourself—again and again. Speak to yourself with care. Hold yourself with compassion.

You are worth that effort. You’ve always been worth it.

I’ll see you next week.

From my train home with love,

Teisha