They say it takes a village to raise a child. But for those of us who have experienced the foster care system or kinship care, that village can feel like it’s constantly changing its address.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re navigating this journey alone, I want you to know that your feelings are valid, but your isolation doesn’t have to be permanent. Identity isn’t built in a vacuum; it’s built through the people who see us when we feel invisible.
To move from just “surviving” the system to truly thriving within your own life, you need to identify your core support team. Here are the five people every Black foster youth needs in their village:
1. The Mirror
This is someone who reflects your identity back to you. For Black youth in care, this is non-negotiable. You need someone who understands the nuances of your hair, the rhythm of your culture, and the “unspoken” truths of being Black in the world. Without a mirror, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are.
2. The Anchor
The foster care experience is defined by shift and drift. The Anchor is the person who remains consistent even when your housing or caseworker doesn’t. They are the person you call when everything else is shifting—the one who remembers your birthday and your favorite food, regardless of where you are living.
3. The Navigator
You shouldn’t have to figure out the “system” talk alone. The Navigator is someone who has been exactly where you are—an older former foster youth or an adult adoptee. they know the paperwork, the emotional pitfalls, and the secrets to reclaiming your agency. We are out here and available. You are not in this alone.
4. The Advocate
Sometimes, your voice gets drowned out in a room full of professionals. The Advocate is the person who isn’t afraid to speak up in a meeting, a courtroom, or a classroom to make sure your needs are the priority. They teach you how to eventually use your own voice as a megaphone.
5. The Safe Harbor
We all need a place where we aren’t “the foster kid” or “the adoptee”. The Safe Harbor is the friend or mentor who has nothing to do with the system. With them, you can just be yourself. Especially as a young person, you need to just be a teenager and experience youthfulness. You can talk about music, movies, or dreams without the shadow of your “status” hanging over the conversation.
When we are young, we can rarely change our environments, so it’s essential that we have an intentionally village.
If you are in the village and reading this post, think about what role you currently play.
Reflect with me: Which of these people do you have in your life right now? And if you’re missing one, which one do you feel you need most today?
From my writing corner with love,
Teish
Adopted Black Girl 