Trying to figure out your next move is hard.
Trying to figure out your next move without forgiving who you were is harder.
And I need you to hear this — you cannot grow from an unhealed place. You can fake it for a while. Lord knows I did. But until you become radically honest about who you are and where you want to go, you will keep ending up right back where you started.
If you’re new here, my name is Teisha. I write for Black girls and women who have been adopted or have experienced the foster care system. And when I say I can talk about identity — I mean I can talk about the displacement, the reframing, and the reclamation. Because here’s what I know for sure: you can reclaim who you are. You can reclaim who you want to be. But sometimes we don’t know how — and that’s exactly why I’m here.
I want to take you into my journey. How I’ve done it. And how I’m still actively doing it every single day.
About two years ago I had my first anxiety attack.
It was just me. Alone in my home. I was drinking a Bubly sparkling water in the blackberry flavor and then I just — fell. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I had heard people talk about anxiety but nothing prepared me for what that actually felt like in your body. I called 911 that night and they told me what might have happened. I didn’t think much of it.
And then it happened again. At work this time. And everything in me wanted to run. Just run. I wanted out of that building, out of that moment, out of my own skin.
What followed was about four months of faking it. Four months straight. There are moments from that season I genuinely cannot remember. There are places so dark I don’t even want to go back there in my mind.
I tried Lexapro. Then Zoloft. Zoloft hit different — in the best way. And I remember the morning I woke up and smelled coffee again. Actually smelled it. I smiled. I posted about it and said I’m better — and I meant it. That depressive stage never came back like that again.
But I had to make two decisions that changed everything:
One — God had to be the center of everything I do.
Two — isolation only feeds my depression. I cannot do this alone and neither can you.
I’m not telling you those two things so you can copy them. I’m telling you because I want you to find YOUR two things. The two commitments that keep you tethered to yourself.
Here’s what I really want to say to you though:
You cannot build an identity off of outcomes. Because when the outcome doesn’t work — and sometimes it won’t — you will fall apart trying to chase a different result instead of becoming a different version of yourself.
Identity is not what you achieve. Identity is who you decide to be.
And I’m asking YOU. Not your foster parent. Not your adoptive parent. Not who they said you were or weren’t.
Who do you want to be?
Because there are too many of us trying to fit into shapes that were never made for us — wondering why it doesn’t feel right, why we keep feeling out of place. Your past was real. What people said about you was real. But today? Today you get to decide something different.
And I need you to take that seriously. Not kind of seriously. Seriously seriously. Because you only get this one life.
So what are your two commitments? What two things can you hold onto to start reclaiming your identity and your development?
If nobody else is going to do it for you — and sometimes they won’t — I need you to do it for yourself.
That’s why I’m here. That’s why I keep showing up to talk to you.
I’ll see you in the next one.
From my writing corner with love,
Teish
Adopted Black Girl 