“Home.” It’s a simple four-letter word, but for me, it has been a feeling I’ve been chasing for a really long time.
Have you ever felt like home is supposed to be something you create inside yourself, but when the four walls you live in start to close in, you still can’t breathe?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been chasing a physical sense of home—a place where I can lay my head, where I am completely free of judgment, and where I feel truly grounded. I’ve caught myself never fully decorating the places I live in, almost like a subconscious defense mechanism. I leave the walls bare because a part of me always expects I’ll have to leave sooner or later.
The constant fear of lacking stability can feel suffocating. I’ve moved to Arizona, Ghana, back to Baltimore and then to Boston. Having a feeling of home within myself still didn’t take over the want for the physicality of stability and safety.
The Search for True Stability
I’ve tried to construct that “home” feeling on my own. No matter how many cookbooks I buy, how many new paintings I hang, how many calendars I organize, or how hard I try to curate a space… I’ve come to a realization:
It’s not just about the physical space. It’s about the alignment of your life and your people.
I’m in my 30s now. I have people in my life who make me feel like home, and some who I need to part ways with. It is a tough decision to sit with but a necessary action.
But what does stability actually look like?
I’m still figuring that out. I have my routines down. I know what I want to do, where I want to go, and—for the first time—I really know how I want to feel.
So the real question becomes: If a space, a relationship, or a situation feels like anything less than peace… do I have the guts to walk away from it?
Because at the end of the day, we all deserve to truly feel at home physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Reflect with me: What does “home” feel like to you right now? Is it a place, a person, or a state of mind? Do you need a physical place to feel like you have a home? Is having home within enough?
Let’s chat in the comments.
From a coffee shop with love,
Teish
Adopted Black Girl 